Chocolate muffins and life haikus

I'm on another grave shift. My eyes are burning. And once in a while, one slowly droops closed, begging the other to follow. I've come close to losing the battle a couple times now. But I stand strong with my water and my book and my endless surfing of the internet.

The only problem with the grave shift is, you're cornered. If someone wants to talk to you, they can talk allll they want, and you have NOwhere to turn. One of the residents is notorious for this. He came in at about 1:15 a.m. and set up camp at the window right in front of me. I tried to look busy real quick, but nothing I do right now is by any means, real quick. I failed. He took the lead.

He opened his little folder filled with his research. On what you ask? On life. He spilled out sheets and sheets of self-help type advice he had printed out. Little haikus, tests, articles...you name it, he had it, and he was here to share. And here I am, the caged ear.

He started with information on how to determine whether or not the person you are with is your soulmate or not. And of course, this is all decided after answering 25 questions, each of which were read aloud to me.

We then moved on to poems about love, and how to know what you want, and something about adam and eve played a part in there. I struggled to keep up.

This went on. And on. And on. I was begging for my book to jump up and start reading itself to me, so I could excuse myself.

An hour and 15 minutes later, I was set free. It is at this point, that I decided I would try and write the anti-self-help book. To free all these mislead souls that believe 25 questions will lead them to love, or if they eat just lemons and sweet potatos they will heathily lose weight. Or that an article written a by a woman who is clearly bitterly heart-broken and alone, will not give you the answers of what a woman wants, or how a man wants to be treated.

Here's my self-help advice. PUT the book DOWN. Step away from the media-driven literature that has tucked life's "answers" into neat little equations, questionnaires and haikus.

Maybe I'm just tired, and slightly frustrated that I am not allowing myself to eat the chocolate muffin that is taunting me from behind that kitchen door...


......if I eat it quick enough, it could be like it never happened....